This Motherhood thing is hard for me. I love it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. There are those days, where I just think, this is what I always wanted to be? A mom? Why? Were all of the women I know lying to me all these years, just acting like they liked being moms? And all of those quotes I always hear about how divine motherhood is and how it's the most essential and eternal role? Blah blah, those quotes are fake too, aren’t they? Some days, I feel like I have a job that I don’t enjoy and where I don’t find success, which is SO hard.
I’ve been going through this internal struggle about motherhood, trying to find ways to have more “Motherhood Successes.” You know, finding joy in the everyday sorts of things.
I follow a great Instagram account called @Mormonfaces. It is uplifting and positive. The other day there was a post about a mom who said that her favorite part about motherhood was the “tiny glimmers of Heaven that it brings,” but she continued to say that, “98% of motherhood is hard work and 2% glimpses of what Heaven might be like.” And I was like YES! This. This is how I feel. She also said that both her greatest challenge and greatest blessing is being a mom. And I could totally relate 1,000,000%. It’s crazy statistic, but seriously, 2% total happiness, and 98% hard. Sometimes the percentages are skewed the other direction. Those totally awesome days, where your child is a complete gem the entire day, so sweet, and kind. Naps for a great amount of time, plays nicely, etc. But generally (and lately) I have been feeling more of the 98/2.
I’ve been thinking about that saying that goes something like “the days are long, but the weeks/years are short.” I think that should really go something like “the days are hard but the years are sweet”. And even though I only have a year and a half of motherhood under my belt, this is the conclusion I have drawn so far. I love being Reagan’s mom. I love watching her grow and learn new things, and I love when she just comes up to me to give me a hug or a kiss, or to sing a song. But those things alone don’t make her tantrums at the library story time or at the store any easier. I’m still working on trying to give those positive “Motherhood Successes” a higher weight mentally than those “Motherhood Frustrations.” (Any tips?)
But I do love laying in bed at night, when Reagan is sound asleep, talking to Jordan about how wonderful our daughter is, and how beautiful and perfect she is and how much her little Spirit adds to our home and family. Talking about how excited we are to have another perfect little baby daughter in our family. This is a time of reflection for me, where I can identify more of those “Motherhood Successes,” and think about the good parts of my day, and the good parts of Motherhood.
Anyway, I’m not sure where this leaves me, but I just wanted to share a few of my current thoughts on Motherhood, with the struggles AND triumphs that it brings. I do like it, but. It. Is. Hard.